Reason #1
Ever since i was a little kid, my sister and i have made it a tradition to, on the first snow of the season, lean backwards out of our sliding glass door with mouths open wide in hopes of catching a a snowflake on our outstretched tongue.
Today at school i received a text from said dearly beloved sister, riley. It read,
'Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to hng out the back door and catch a snowflake on your tongue. This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds.'
She is 23. I am 18. Will still do it every year.
Reason #2
Tonight Ri came over for dinner, (which is weird for me to say because she just barely moved out), and after we had washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen we were chatting and indulging in some Honey Crisp apples. Once finished i walked past my sister and, while lifting the leg closest to her, flatulated. She turned to glare at me and then in response belched. 'Touche,' I said. We laughed.
Cheerio.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Costco ninja.
Yesterday my dear mother asked me if i would be so kind as to join her in her shopping escapades at Costco. I, being the star that i am, of course, agreed. (ulterior motive: samples) Little did i know that at the end of that wholesale extravaganza i would be saved by the Costco ninja.
By the time we had picked out sunday dinner fixings, honey crisp apples (look into it), and enough candy to satisfy a small army of trick-or-treaters, our cart was becoming precariously full and it was all i could do to keep the Swiffer dry cloths and two and a half pounds of beef from toppling to the cement below. Having successfully reached the front of the store it was only another 10 feet to the shortest line at the checkout. As i made my way over with our heavily burdened silver buffalo, my mom hurried ahead to save us a spot in line. As i looked to my right to see the path of least resistance for my boatfull of bulk-priced goods, it happened.
There was the sound of sliding shrink wrap
i looked to my cart to survey the damage
suddenly, a flash of light, i jumped
when i opened my eyes i saw two hands firmly grasped around a variety pack of candy bars. i looked up to see who the chocolate's savior was and there he stood: Kevin, the Costco Ninja.
The small Asian shift manager slid the box back into place, smiled and disappeared almost as fast as a child eyeing the sample table.
Now don't all of you run out to Costco in search of the blue-vested wonder. The Costco Ninja is far too stealthy to show himself when circumstances are such that the aid of his less speedy, savvy, and stealthy colleagues will suffice. But the next time you find yourself with a flat of stewed tomatoes cascading off your cart and into oblivion, have no fear the Costco Ninja will be near.
Cheerio.
By the time we had picked out sunday dinner fixings, honey crisp apples (look into it), and enough candy to satisfy a small army of trick-or-treaters, our cart was becoming precariously full and it was all i could do to keep the Swiffer dry cloths and two and a half pounds of beef from toppling to the cement below. Having successfully reached the front of the store it was only another 10 feet to the shortest line at the checkout. As i made my way over with our heavily burdened silver buffalo, my mom hurried ahead to save us a spot in line. As i looked to my right to see the path of least resistance for my boatfull of bulk-priced goods, it happened.
There was the sound of sliding shrink wrap
i looked to my cart to survey the damage
suddenly, a flash of light, i jumped
when i opened my eyes i saw two hands firmly grasped around a variety pack of candy bars. i looked up to see who the chocolate's savior was and there he stood: Kevin, the Costco Ninja.
The small Asian shift manager slid the box back into place, smiled and disappeared almost as fast as a child eyeing the sample table.
Now don't all of you run out to Costco in search of the blue-vested wonder. The Costco Ninja is far too stealthy to show himself when circumstances are such that the aid of his less speedy, savvy, and stealthy colleagues will suffice. But the next time you find yourself with a flat of stewed tomatoes cascading off your cart and into oblivion, have no fear the Costco Ninja will be near.
Cheerio.
Monday, October 5, 2009
If you have not yet heard.
On the evening of Friday October 2nd, i checked into Boulder Community Hospital in Boulder Colorado after sustaining a severe concussion while playing in a rugby game against CU.
That game went a little something like this.
While in the second half i tackled somebody or ran into them or something, i don't reallly remember. After running into them my head hurt and i began developing i blue haze in the lower half of my field of vision. I had experienced a phenomena similar to this a few years prior so i thought nothing of it. Unfortunately for me, after a while, instead of just remaining a blue haze and a headache like it had done in the past, it turned into more like a blue screen over about 2/3 of my vision. Then another surprise. I went to tackle an opponent carrying the ball, dove out and, expecting to hit body, was surprised to feel nothing but my opponents jersey in my fingertips. I was about six feet away from him when i dove. It turns out that my depth perception had gone into a bit of lapse. I couldnt tell how close or far objects or people were--not good in a game involving both flying balls and people moving at high velocity. The game ended with out anymore incident and i politely asked one of my teammates to help me over to the sideline (by that i mean i sort of fell into his arms-no homo). After sitting with the trainers and answering questions like "where are you?" "how old are you?" "whens your birthday" and "can you recite the days of the week in reverse order?" I remembered asking for a blessing then promptly throwing up on the ground next to that upon which i was sitting. The next bits of memory are a bit jumbled to say the least. I remember being in the car on the way to the hospital but i dont remember getting into the car or who was driving. I have a vague memory of trying to cuddle with one of the team trainers but i am unable to confirm nor deny the truthfulness of said memory. I then remember trying to get out of the car but don't remember actually doing it. The next three hours were spent in the emergency room and of which i have no recollection whatsoever. I was told that it was rather horrific and i am thus very greatful that i do not remember any of it. After my happy time in the ER i was given 5mg of morphine, calmed down and quielty fell asleep. Two of my uncles--Lee and Bill-- then gave me a blessing. There were several points during these late night and early morning hours that i remember seeing glimpses of my aunts and uncles, team trainers, team mom, and nurses. At around 2:30 am i came to a more complete state of consciousness only to go into more pain, receive more morphine and go back into a drug-induced sleep. When i came to again at about an hour later i sat and chatted with my dear aunt brenda, called my parents (who had been driving since they heard about the incident about 830 the night before), urinated in a bottle resembling a milk carton with a large hole in the top, then, at the mercy of yet another injection of morphine, i fell asleep. Upon waking i found that my family had arrived. It was about 5 am. When the PA finally got around to me i had been injected with 10 mg of morphine and i still had a headache. He decided to give me Vicadin instead to see if it would work. It did. From then on the story gets less and less exciting. Met with an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, a physical therapist, all of which said i was in ship shape. Ate, drank and showered for the first time in 24 hours. Checked out of the hospital and into the Best Western in preparation for my drive home on sunday.
Cheerio
That game went a little something like this.
While in the second half i tackled somebody or ran into them or something, i don't reallly remember. After running into them my head hurt and i began developing i blue haze in the lower half of my field of vision. I had experienced a phenomena similar to this a few years prior so i thought nothing of it. Unfortunately for me, after a while, instead of just remaining a blue haze and a headache like it had done in the past, it turned into more like a blue screen over about 2/3 of my vision. Then another surprise. I went to tackle an opponent carrying the ball, dove out and, expecting to hit body, was surprised to feel nothing but my opponents jersey in my fingertips. I was about six feet away from him when i dove. It turns out that my depth perception had gone into a bit of lapse. I couldnt tell how close or far objects or people were--not good in a game involving both flying balls and people moving at high velocity. The game ended with out anymore incident and i politely asked one of my teammates to help me over to the sideline (by that i mean i sort of fell into his arms-no homo). After sitting with the trainers and answering questions like "where are you?" "how old are you?" "whens your birthday" and "can you recite the days of the week in reverse order?" I remembered asking for a blessing then promptly throwing up on the ground next to that upon which i was sitting. The next bits of memory are a bit jumbled to say the least. I remember being in the car on the way to the hospital but i dont remember getting into the car or who was driving. I have a vague memory of trying to cuddle with one of the team trainers but i am unable to confirm nor deny the truthfulness of said memory. I then remember trying to get out of the car but don't remember actually doing it. The next three hours were spent in the emergency room and of which i have no recollection whatsoever. I was told that it was rather horrific and i am thus very greatful that i do not remember any of it. After my happy time in the ER i was given 5mg of morphine, calmed down and quielty fell asleep. Two of my uncles--Lee and Bill-- then gave me a blessing. There were several points during these late night and early morning hours that i remember seeing glimpses of my aunts and uncles, team trainers, team mom, and nurses. At around 2:30 am i came to a more complete state of consciousness only to go into more pain, receive more morphine and go back into a drug-induced sleep. When i came to again at about an hour later i sat and chatted with my dear aunt brenda, called my parents (who had been driving since they heard about the incident about 830 the night before), urinated in a bottle resembling a milk carton with a large hole in the top, then, at the mercy of yet another injection of morphine, i fell asleep. Upon waking i found that my family had arrived. It was about 5 am. When the PA finally got around to me i had been injected with 10 mg of morphine and i still had a headache. He decided to give me Vicadin instead to see if it would work. It did. From then on the story gets less and less exciting. Met with an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, a physical therapist, all of which said i was in ship shape. Ate, drank and showered for the first time in 24 hours. Checked out of the hospital and into the Best Western in preparation for my drive home on sunday.
Cheerio
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Owuhn revisited. Weather: you like it or not? The West Wing.
Today in anthropology my day was made. As if Owuhn's disgust of others' WOW ignorance wasn't enough, today when i walked in and sat down he was, indeed, playing World of Warcraft on his laptop. Unfortunately, shortly after my arrival JB-C began the lecture and this splendiferous display was cut short.
The creative juices are not flowing freely this evening. Terribly sorry.
Cheerio.
Winter
Spring
Summer
Fall*
*Unless you currently reside in Utah, in which case we ask that you disregard this season.
Spring
Summer
Fall*
*Unless you currently reside in Utah, in which case we ask that you disregard this season.
The creative juices are not flowing freely this evening. Terribly sorry.
Cheerio.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
How not to clean a blender.
Let's say one day you decide you want a smoothie. You make one and forget to rinse out the blender.
Let's say the next day you want a smoothie again but you don't want to scrub out the now caked on berries.
Let's say you think of this great alternative to scrubbing it all out.
Let's say that that alternative went a little something like this:
-fill blender with hot water
-add high concentration Joy dish soap
-place top tightly on blender
-turn blender on low
-realize that low isn't getting the job done and go full speed
Let's say you do all of this. Then let's say something goes terribly wrong.
Let's say that soap you put in became slightly volatile
Let's say when the soap turned into slightly volatile foam it expanded. fast.
Let's say that slightly volatile expanding foam blew the top off the blender and covered about 1/3 of the kitchen in lemony freshness
I'm just saying.
Let's say the next day you want a smoothie again but you don't want to scrub out the now caked on berries.
Let's say you think of this great alternative to scrubbing it all out.
Let's say that that alternative went a little something like this:
-fill blender with hot water
-add high concentration Joy dish soap
-place top tightly on blender
-turn blender on low
-realize that low isn't getting the job done and go full speed
Let's say you do all of this. Then let's say something goes terribly wrong.
Let's say that soap you put in became slightly volatile
Let's say when the soap turned into slightly volatile foam it expanded. fast.
Let's say that slightly volatile expanding foam blew the top off the blender and covered about 1/3 of the kitchen in lemony freshness
I'm just saying.
Cheerio.
To whom it may concern,
For all of you gucci wearing, lip gloss lacquering, makeup caking, hair poofing, nostril bearing, lip puckering, too good to talk to anybody but abercrombie models ho bags out there, this one is for you.
Regardless of how gorgeous you may think you are, how trendy you may be or how much money you may have, if you have ever experienced any of the following experiences, i would like to let you know that, in actuality, to a person such as myself, you are nearly as attractive as an obese man with a handlebar mustache.
-if you are too good to respond to the girl next to you when she asks what the teacher last said because you are 'in the middle of an important text'
-if you feel so inclined to walk into class ten minutes late then expect five people to move for you so that you can save a spot for your 'girlfriend' who is running late because she was having a hard time 'getting the right bounce' in her hair
-if you flip your hair when you walk by one of the clearly marked members of a university athletic team
-if your hair is bleached blonde
If you feel that you fit into this group please chisel the makeup off your face, put daddy's credit card down and try being human for a day.
Cheerio.
Regardless of how gorgeous you may think you are, how trendy you may be or how much money you may have, if you have ever experienced any of the following experiences, i would like to let you know that, in actuality, to a person such as myself, you are nearly as attractive as an obese man with a handlebar mustache.
-if you are too good to respond to the girl next to you when she asks what the teacher last said because you are 'in the middle of an important text'
-if you feel so inclined to walk into class ten minutes late then expect five people to move for you so that you can save a spot for your 'girlfriend' who is running late because she was having a hard time 'getting the right bounce' in her hair
-if you flip your hair when you walk by one of the clearly marked members of a university athletic team
-if your hair is bleached blonde
If you feel that you fit into this group please chisel the makeup off your face, put daddy's credit card down and try being human for a day.
Cheerio.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Concerning the techno high.
All too often i find myself sitting on the deep chocolate brown couches in my family room facebooking, texting, watching tv (most likely the discovery channel), and possibly attempting to do homework. Although this multitasking monstrosity is less than effective for getting homework done, i hope that one day i will be able to apply this method to other areas of my life.
Cheerio.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Ladies and gentlemen, technology overload. and i like it.
facebook+
the blog+
skype+
phone+
celebrity boxing=
techno high. yeeah.
skype+
phone+
celebrity boxing=
techno high. yeeah.
cheerio.
Now youre blogging. I like parentheses. Owuhn.
This is my first post. Superb, i know.
On monday i had the the fantastic opportunity to attend anthropology with a man i call OWUHN (OverWeight, UnderHeight gNome). While Joan Brenner-Coltrain (our rather interesting professor whom i have yet to ask about the joint name) was learning us up about the sexual dimorphism (physical differences in males and females) of certain primates, she brought up a slide of several couples of mythological-looking creatures. Says Coltrain, "These creatures illustrate the concept of sexual dimorphism. I'm not too sure what they are or where i got them though." --excitement alert: those of you with heart problems may want to go read a more relaxing blog-- Exclaims Owuhn, "Puh! World of Warcraft. What else?"
-awkward silence
-a single chuckle
-uproarious laughter
Says the boy who sits next to me that i do not know, "Everybody knew, they just didnt want to say." Just you and Owuhn, bud. Thats a good name for him. He's Bud now.
From then on, i remember nothing from the class except aftershock laughter and "be ready for the test next time!" -crap.
cheerio.
On monday i had the the fantastic opportunity to attend anthropology with a man i call OWUHN (OverWeight, UnderHeight gNome). While Joan Brenner-Coltrain (our rather interesting professor whom i have yet to ask about the joint name) was learning us up about the sexual dimorphism (physical differences in males and females) of certain primates, she brought up a slide of several couples of mythological-looking creatures. Says Coltrain, "These creatures illustrate the concept of sexual dimorphism. I'm not too sure what they are or where i got them though." --excitement alert: those of you with heart problems may want to go read a more relaxing blog-- Exclaims Owuhn, "Puh! World of Warcraft. What else?"
-awkward silence
-a single chuckle
-uproarious laughter
Says the boy who sits next to me that i do not know, "Everybody knew, they just didnt want to say." Just you and Owuhn, bud. Thats a good name for him. He's Bud now.
From then on, i remember nothing from the class except aftershock laughter and "be ready for the test next time!" -crap.
cheerio.
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